Four Personalities at the Seder Table

Passover is the oldest Jewish holiday and the most widely celebrated.  This festival, which commemorates the liberation of the Israelite slaves from Egyptian bondage, fittingly comes in the season of Spring, the time when plants break off the chains of winter.

The theme of freedom is grand and universal.  The story of how a hardhearted tyrant is overthrown and an oppressed people is set free has an irresistible appeal.

Passover Seders were held in Jewish homes, synagogues and community centers on Monday and Tuesday nights of this week.  The Seder is the most elaborate ceremonial meal in the cycle of Jewish holidays.  The meal itself is preceded by prayers, readings and songs contained in a prayer book called the Haggadah, which means narration.

Four times in the Torah we are commanded by God to tell the story of the Exodus.  Our rabbis taught that the fourfold repetition refers to four different attitudes toward the story.  In the Haggadah the four attitudes have been represented by four personalities: the wise, who is engaged in participating in the Seder; the wicked, who pushes away from involvement; the simple, who likes the food and the fellowship but is indifferent about the story; the one who does now know how to ask (the naive), who is open to guidance and instruction.

Until contemporary times illustrators of Haggadahs depicted “The Four Children” as males, but the passage applies to all regardless of sex or age.

The wise child feels a strong kinship with the Jewish people and has an intellectual drive to learn and to teach about Judaism.  In numerous Haggadah illustrations he is shown reading a Jewish book and imparting knowledge about Judaism.  He asks about how to conduct the Seder properly.  His parents are delighted with his eagerness to learn and to fulfill the rites of the ceremony and give him detailed instructions.

The wicked child feels alienated from the Jewish community.  Rather than the term “wicked,” which denotes an evil or immoral character, a better description of this child would be wayward.    Scorning the observances of his family, he pushes himself away from involvement in the Seder and from Jewish life in general.  His question - “Whatever does this ceremony mean to you? - implies that he is putting a barrier between himself and his family and the Jewish community.  It is a provocative question that ridicules the ceremony.  Yet he is still at the table, even if at a remove.  His parents are pained by his attitude but a harsh reply from them could cause a permanent rift.  Answer this child with love and patience.  Invite him “to participate even if the feeling and the understanding are not there.  For it is often in the ‘doing’ that the feeling content is changed; it is often in the ‘doing’ that the sense of being ‘a part of’ becomes real.” 

The simple child wants to keep the Seder brief and unembellished.  He is a pleasure-seeker who wants to have his desires quickly gratified.  His view toward the ceremony is:  “Pharaoh wanted to keep us enslaved; we escaped; let’s eat.”  His parents, pleased that he enjoys the company of other Jews, suggest that he may feel more engaged in the Seder and more closely connected to Jewish history when he participates in a dramatic retelling of the story of the Exodus.

The one who does not know how to ask has not yet formed his attitude to the Seder, because he is too young to have acquired the requisite experience and knowledge.  His identity awaits formation.  The parents need to model for this child the activities that will prompt him to listen and to become engaged with the story of the Exodus and with the rituals of the Seder.  The parents cherish the hope that this child will grow into the wise child.

Each person has his/her own level of understanding and participation.  At one time in our lives each one of us has been the wise, the wayward, the simple or the one who does not know how to ask.  As we pass through various stages of development, we eventually adopt one of the four attitudes as the dominant one in our approach to the Seder.  Yet, as our moods, feelings and circumstances change from moment to moment, from day to day and from year to year, we can experience each one of the four attitudes throughout our lives.  We carry around inside of us the memory of how it feels to be a wise, wayward, simple or untutored person; we can be any one of the four sons or daughters as we celebrate the Seder.